Westwood Presbyterian Church

October 25th, 2009

197 Browning  Boulevard, Winnipeg, Manitoba  R3K 0L1

REV. PETER BUSH's SERMONS

7th Commandment - Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery

     A line from the speaker at Synod this past week is worth repeating – Tony Robinson said, “Christianity is not about being good.” His point was that the thing that marks Christianity from other world religions is not that you can tell people who are Christians from Buddhists or Jews – by the fact that Christians are good. Many people in our world – people of many religions do good things, live good lives. The issue is not about living good lives – Christians do not believe that living good lives get us to heaven. Rather we believe that living good lives is how we say “thank you” to Jesus Christ for his transforming life, death, and resurrection.

     It is particularly important that we understand that as we are walking our way through the 10 Commandments – and at this point in the series it is worth taking a couple of moments to remind ourselves that obeying the 10 commandments does not get us to heaven. Because being good is not what gets us to heaven. The 10 Commandments function in two ways.

     First, they are God’s grace to us. The Commandments tell us what is the best way to live life. Life goes best when lived this way, is what the commandments tell us. And that is true for all people everywhere. The last 6 of the 10 Commandments are not especially Christian truths – or even Judeo-Christian – they are for all people – and the life they talk about is widely recognized in our world. So the commandments are God helping us figure out what is the best pattern by which to live life.

     Second, for Christians the Commandments become the way to send a thank you card to God for his great grace. Again the commands are about grace – for as we live the commands in thankfulness – we remind ourselves of the great grace we have received.

 

     The Commandment “Thou shalt not commit adultery” is probably one of the most difficult commands to talk about. And despite the fact that the implications of the command touch at the very core of who we are, and at the core of our private lives, we need to have the courage to look at the command. I think there is more at stake in this command than just the simple question of not having affairs once you get married. The command invites us to take marriage vows seriously, and there are a number of ways to break our marriage vows besides have extra-marital affairs. This wider understanding of the command runs behind this sermon.

  

     Our culture would say that we are uneasy about the topic because, “Christians have a problem with sex and that is why they can’t talk about it, or won’t talk about it.” What our culture really means when it says that is, “Christians have rules about sex – and we wish they would stop having these rules. Because sex is just sex.”

     As Christians we claim that sex is not just sex. Christians understand that sex is a precious thing and a powerful thing. Things that are precious and powerful require careful and thoughtful treatment. Christians are not opposed to sex, we simply claim that there is a proper context for sexual intercourse, a context in which its power and beauty finds its fullest expression. When used in other contexts sexual intercourse creates disasters. The proper context for sexual intercourse is within the marriage bond of husband and wife.

     Driving to Thunder Bay and back this past week we drove through huge rock cuttings, where construction crews dynamited rock out of the way. Dynamite is powerful and when used in its proper context can be helpful, constructive, and good. But take dynamite out of those good and healthy contexts and we have a problem. It can be dangerous and destructive. The full expression of human sexuality is the same, in its proper context it is good and wonderful.

 

     The King James Version of the Bible used lines like “Adam knew his wife Eve and she conceived.” The word “knew” reminds us that sexual intercourse is the making of two into one – that a melding has taken place. That in the physical there is an emotional, psychological and spiritual connection – a connection hinted at in Genesis – “the man and the woman were naked and felt no shame.” This is a statement of not only their physical state – it is also a comment about their openness with one another, the lack of façade, the vulnerability they shared.

     Such openness, such tearing down of the façades that we wear, does not happen instantaneously. The Doors sang a song with the line “Hello, I love you, won’t you tell me your name?” How is it possible to say that we love another person, without even knowing their name? Christians affirm that the openness and power of sex is too much for relationships where there has not been time for the two parties to begin growing together into one. Sexual intercourse is the end of a process of growing bit by bit into the oneness envisioned in “the two shall become one.”

     This oneness requires commitment – the kind of commitment we hear in the marriage vows – that husband and wife are for each other “for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part. This is my solemn vow.” This commitment – this covenant – creates the stable environment – the safe place where we can really be ourselves – tell another of our deepest dreams and most profound hurts. Where we know that no matter what the world out there says, we have one person who believes in us. Where we feel unloved, uncared for – there is a place where we will be loved. This commitment – this covenant goes both ways – “I am for you and you are for me.” It is a covenant of mutuality, a covenant made publicly, a covenant of self-giving love.

 

     We are told by our culture that living together in common law relationships and being married are the same thing – there is no difference. There is a difference.

     Statistics Canada did a mammoth study in the 1990s looking at the extent of violence against woman in our society – a deeply troubling and profoundly disturbing issue. The study revealed that 2% of women in married relationships faced spousal violence in their homes. This is unacceptable, the church must speak out profoundly against such violence and threats of violence, for it is a violation of the power and direction of the Christian vision of marriage. In fact, I would argue that the use of violence within marriage is a violation of the marriage vows.

     The study went on to reveal that 9% of women in common law relationships faced violence perpetrated by their common law partner. This is a staggering figure, almost one tenth of common law relationships involve violence against women.[i] I want to reiterate, any level of violence against women is unacceptable. It would appear that the marriage vows, the making of public commitment, have the power to significantly reduce the level of violence women experience.

     The covenant of marriage has the ability to create a place where there is security and the commitment of self-giving.

 

     In the last month I overheard a conversation. A parent was commenting on the childcare their children were in. The parent said, “I like the woman who provides the childcare, but her common-law partner keeps moving in and out, and the household seems to be in confusion many days. I am not sure that it is good for my kids to be in such an unstable environment.”

     The bond of marriage – the covenant of marriage creates a context of stability for children and therefore for society. Where there is stability children are better able to thrive. When children see parents who are committed to each other, who work together, who share, who even exchange a kiss or two where the kids can see them – these children know that if mom and dad love each other and hang in there with each other – then these parents will hang in which me. If mom and dad live up to the promises that they made before the kids came along, then the kids are pretty sure that the love mom and dad have for the kids will last as well. If however kids see uncertainty in the relationships their parents are in, they will be uncertain about the love that their parents have for their children, and they may have difficulty building long-term relationships.

     The stability of the marriage vows benefits society as well, for marriage helps define the ways in which we interact with one another. We subconsciously know how to relate to persons given our marital status and the marital status of the other. When those lines are violated, the consequences are disastrous. One only needs to watch the TV Soaps for a week to learn what horrible things can happen when people cross the lines and break their own marriage vows or the marriage vows of other people.  

 

     Jesus in his comments that we read from Matthew ups the ante. He would have us think beyond the mere act of adultery, to the attitudes, mindset that leads to adultery.

     Jesus says tough things here. First, I want to note that in our culture I no longer think that this is an issue only for men. I have been struck recently by the women who have invited other women to take a look at a particular handsome man, saying, “Take a look at that eye candy.” So men and women are both in view with Jesus’ words.

     Second, Martin Luther in commenting on this text made the very helpful comment, “You can not prevent the birds from flying over your head – you can stop them from nesting in your hair.” What he meant was that when we see a handsome man or a beautiful woman – we are going to notice them – and that is fine and even appropriate. Jesus is inviting us to not imagine what might happen next. Jesus is fully aware that we are sexual beings are we will notice other people, he invites us to stop there. To not move to fantasy – to not move to plotting next steps. Jesus uses the lust – which carries with it the sense of possessing. Such lust – such desire to possess – does not lead to the mutuality of covenant, for it is built on owning, possessing. Jesus invites to reject models of human interaction which are based on “I must have him or her” – to models of human interaction built on self-giving and covenant.

 

     Sexuality is powerful, and in our lives we have not always lived up to the high calling to use our sexuality in healthy and helpful ways. It is possible for us to beat ourselves up about those sins, to feel great guilt over what we have done. Recognizing our fault is important, but we must never forget the extra-ordinary good news that comes to us – God offers us forgiveness in Jesus Christ. If we have acknowledged our sin, and have turned to God seeking forgiveness – we are forgiven. But in many ways that may be the easy part – sometimes it is harder to forgive ourselves. God’s promise to us is that not only does He forgive us – he also removes our sin from us. Takes it away, and in confidence we can pray asking God to not only forgive – but also to clean out the memory banks of our minds, so that the guilt and the shame are gone.

     Thanks be to God for making us sexual beings. Thanks be to God that He has shown us the proper ways to live with this powerful gift. Thanks be to God that He forgives us for those times we have violated the gift he has given, washing us clean to begin again as His people.  

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[i] Holly Johnson, Dangerous Domains: Violence Against Women in Canada, (Nelson Canada, 1996), p. 150.