Westwood Presbyterian Church

October 11th, 2009

197 Browning  Boulevard, Winnipeg, Manitoba  R3K 0L1

REV. PETER BUSH's SERMONS

5th Commandment - Honour your Father and Mother

I begin with a confession. When I started planning this series on the 10 Commandments I thought the challenge with some of the commandments would be finding enough to say about them to fill a sermon. Now that we are halfway through the commandments, I have realized the problem is deciding what to leave out for the topics are vast. For example this morning, I left enough material on the cutting room floor for probably two more sermons on this commandment. So we are only scratching the surface of vast topics.

This summer Nathan and I went on an adventure, we spent a day at an archeological dig just north of Steinbach. We were digging on the site of a farm house that was built in the 1870' sand abandoned and leveled in the 1920's. While we were there people digging in the next plot over found some shoes and boots. We found some square nails. We got wonderfully dirty, and had a blast. The land we were digging on belongs to the grandson of the man who built the house. It is in the same family 130 years later.

Most North Americans live with a very short time frame, we think that 20 years ago is a long time. And certainly the childhood of our grandparents is ancient history - back before there was TV and the telephone. We live in the present - we have forgotten to a large extent that we have a past, and we seem relatively unconscious that there may be future generations. We live for the now, we are the now.

This commandment reminds us that we are people who came from somewhere, that we have ancestors who we never met but who have had a role in making us who we are today. This commandment reminds us that we are not the pinnacle - we are not the end - that after us comes another generation, and a generation after that, and so on, until time ends. The commandment reminds us that we are neither the beginning - nor are the end.

The one-liner goes like this: "If your parents had no children, it is likely that you will not have any children." Whatever else we may hear or think about this morning - this is clear, we honour our parents because from our parents we have life. Even in a world of blended families, and children with four or more parents - the truth remains that we have life because of our parents - certainly that is true biologically, but it is also true that parents, guardians, step-parents nurtured us physically and emotionally. Those who gave us life, those who nurtured us, are worthy of being honoured. Are worthy of being treated with respect. Are worthy of being considered seriously.

There are a few things that we need to note about the commandment. First, the commandment is not implying that all parents are perfect, nor is it saying that parents make no mistakes. The commandment is not saying that families are all wonderful places that provide us with everything we need, providing an idyllic situation for us. The Bible is not naive about the reality of family, it is fully aware that there are difficult situations that arise in families and the Biblical material is honest enough to say that family life can be hard and demanding. But in the midst of family life which can be confusing and stressful two truths remain, first, God has placed us in families for our good and for our blessing, and second, we are to honour our parents.

A second thing to note about the commandment is that says "honour your father and mother". In its time this part of the commandments was remarkable for it gave a place to mothers (to women) within the legal realities of Israel. Mothers had status. In our time and place, as men in general are accused at times of being poor, or worse, parents, this text gives fathers a place in the life of their children. In a time when mothers are recognized as the primary care givers of children, the command gives a place to men in that equation.

The second thing we need to ask ourselves is, "to whom is the commandment directed". It would be easy to say, "children and young people", and certainly this commandment is often quoted to children and teenagers as a call for them to obey their parents. It needs to be noted that the commandment says, "honour your father and mother" - it does not say "obey". And that may give us our first hint as to who this commandments primary audience is. If we look at all the commandments there is certainly an adult feel to them - and while they are addressed to everyone - their primary target is adults. And that is where I want to begin our exploration of the command to honour our father and mother.

Joy Davidman, the wife of C.S. Lewis, tells this story,

There were once a husband and wife, who lived in their house with the 6 year old son. The couple decided to have the husband's father who was old and frail come live with them. The old man did not have the best control of his muscles, and sometimes he spilled his soup and sometimes it dribbled down his chin and on to the table. So the couple set up a table for him with a plastic tablecloth away from the rest of them, where his spills would not disturb them. One day the old man dropped his soup bowl on the floor by mistake and it broke making a mess. So the couple set up a place on the floor for him, close to the dog's dish, with a plastic bowl, and that is where the old man was to eat his meals.

About a week after this demotion, the couple's son was banging away with nails and wood and hammer. His parents asked him what he was building and he said proudly, "I am building a trough like the animals, so that when you are old I will have a place to feed you."

The parents were shocked, and then tears filled their eyes. And gently they went over to the old man and helped him up and brought him back to the family table and that is where he ate as long as he lived with them.

Children learn from watching their parents. And that includes learning what it means to honour parents. Ifwe as parents want to be honoured by our children, we need to learn how to honour our parents. I realize that that is not easy. We may have difficult or strained relationships with our parents. We may believe that we have been wronged by our parents. We may find contact with our parents painful. But we are still called to honour them as people who gave us life, as people from whom we came.

Some of us do not have the opportunity to honour our parents in this life, because our parents have died. But that does not mean we can not honour them, we can speak of our parents with respect. We can say to those younger than ourselves: "I learned this from my father"; "This is something my mother did." And so on.

Our culture is addicted to youth. We have a fixation on the young. If you don't believe me, think about the two words "young" and "old". One of those words is a complement - "With your hair that way you look ten years younger" - one of those who is an insult - "You are old." This commandment reminds us that our society is not about only one age group - it is about the full range of ages. It is about the young and the old and the in-between.

 

We are invited to be people who honour the aged, not just our biological parents, but all those of our parent's generation and older. We are invited to show them love and care and concern, we are invited in fact to give of ourselves to them, just as they as a generation gave to us when we were young.

We see this lived out in the story of Ruth and Naomi. Ruth is the daughter-in-law, and Naomi the mother-in-law; a potentially difficult relationship without the stuff that happened to these two. Ruth's husband died, and so did Naomi's - but Ruth would not abandon Naomi. She felt an obligation to honour her - which meant care for her, ensure that Naomi had food and care. And Naomi in return shares wisdom and advice with her daughter-in-law.

This must not have been easy, for Naomi to recognize that she could not handle it all herself, that she could not take complete care of everything. I know how hard it was for my father to say to me when we were on a trip, "Peter, can you take the heavy suitcase in, I can't easily lift it." It is hard to admit our human limits, and our need for help - this command invites us to step in to help those who are in need.

And it would not have been easy for Ruth to listen patiently to Naomi's advice. It would have been easy to say, "I don't need your help." But Ruth is an example to us of hearing in the voice of previous generations - a voice of wisdom.

The church is to be a place of mutual respect - where the young and the old recognize the mutual gifts of the other, sharing together in the grace that God has for all people regardless of age. This is part of what it means to be the family of God. That while our families of origin, the families we grew up in, even the families we nurtured may have been, or still are difficult places - the church as the family of God invites all- young and old - to come in. It is remarkable how often caring for widows is raised up as a way to show Christian commitment. Those without family are invited into the family of God, those whose families are problematic are welcome in the family of God, those who are trying to figure out how to be family are welcome in the family of God so that together we can learn.

The church is one of those places where Christians find a place to nurture the next generation and to be nurtured by those who have gone before. The church becomes a place where we discover the blessing of honouring our parents - biological parents, spiritual parents, emotional parents. For in the church we are all nurtured by the only Perfect Parent, God the Father.

I invite you take the blank sticky note in your bulletin and write on it things that you have received from your parents for which you are thankful. I invite you to think of parents in any way you want to - your mom and dad, your spiritual parents, our Heavenly Parent, another definition of parents - I leave the choice up to you.

Prayer of Thanks for Parents